Manic Pixie Dream Girl: a Defense

it starts early.

I am eccentric - always have been. From a young age, I was the bookworm who made up stories in her head and never quite had enough play-dates. In high school, I wore a duct tape dress to prom, and was very nearly voted "Most Unique" - queen of the drama kids, floating in between social circles - cool enough to say hi to in the hall, but not to get invited to parties. It didn't bother me.

Thrift store shopping, weird catch phrases, a propensity to speak my mind and somehow get away with it- I embraced the strange parts of me, and so did everyone else. I mostly grew out of my awkwardness and quickly learned that my bubbly personality and unique style was attractive (especially in art school). The attention didn't inspire me to work harder on my twee - but it certainly didn't discourage it, either.

Then a year or two ago, I learned there was a term for girls like me. Manic Pixie Dream Girl! You know, like Zooey Deschanel. or Audrey Hepburn. I got grouped in with two of my favorite actresses? Sign me up for that. It didn't change who I was, and it was a cute moniker; an easy to understand facet of my more public personal brand.

Over the last few months, though, it's stopped being sunshine and unicorns. Ugly, dismissive articles are popping up across the web. Dissecting the stereotype - women bravely coming forward and confessing that it was all just an act - a way to get men to like them - that they purposefully diminished certain parts of their personality to come across a certain way.

I'm here to tell you that some of us are authentic. This is just the way we are. Just like there are some men who are more or less Michael Cera's shy character. I know; I dated one.

oh God. the twee. Make it stop.

To assume that I am manufacturing my personality to fit a stereotype or please someone else is even more condescending than backing away from the label in the first place. Just because you put a name on who I am and stuck it in there with your other female stereotypes does not somehow make me less. To insinuate that I should stop being so cutesy - how dare I?

That my interests and personality should be changed in some way so you can feel better about the way you think and feel about me as a man - so you'll stop making me the girl of your dreams - is not going to happen. Screw you.

I have a girlfriend who is Elle Woods. Graduated law school, blonde and bubbly as they come, with an apartment full of inspirational sayings and glittery tchotchkes that would look out of place anywhere else (hey Britt!) She is also one of the smartest, most articulate women I've ever met, and she will not hesitate to rip you a new one - even dressed to the nines in her favorite OSU gear (light up sunglasses and pom pom gloves). We are who we are. You're the ones putting us in a box.

So this Manic Pixie Dream Girl label - the backing away from it, the dismissal of us women who have always embraced the quirky - eventually it will go out of vogue, and intellectual men-children everywhere will find some other trope to jerk off to. That's not going to change me. When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple, with a red hat that doesn't match, and continue doing and acting however I see fit - and we'll see who has a crush on me then.

Are you actually attracted to the idea that I'm some waify little daydream that's going to swoop in and magically change your life? Maybe you're drawn to my authenticity and confidence - and the rest of the world has followed suit. No doubt about it - MPDG is the fashion of the times.

Let's break apart the acronym and see where it goes south, shall we? Remember, the original definition was created by a (male) movie reviewer who saw a pattern to these tragic supporting actresses whose characters were presumably written by men, but based off real women- or so he assumed.

Manic - Dictionary definition: frenzied, intense, mad, frenetic. from mania - infatuation, passion, preoccupation, craving, fixation, madness. Wait one second. Infatuation? Preoccupation? We're not the crazy ones - it's you sad sacks that are obsessed with us. The mania is not from the girl - it's of the girl. Not her fault (or often, even her intention.)

Pixie - playfully impish or mischievous; prankish. Again - another assumption - we're driving you mad, and it MUST be intentional. We're playing with your heart strings, tugging you around by the nose, all for a good laugh. Because sucking you in with my eclectic nature and then breaking your heart by not actually being interested in you is somehow my fault. 

Dream - not based in reality. I am a real person, with flaws and imperfections and bad hair days. Sometimes I'm not witty or interesting or adorable. And the moment I'm not, the illusion shatters. Get to know the real girl and embrace her wholeness.

Girl - not a woman. Definitely defenseless. Must be taken care of. - Okay, I'll admit fault on this one. It's fun to occasionally play the damsel in distress. Being taken care of feels good - sometimes. I've experienced enough heartache in my life - and seen the real life scenario play out in my family - to know that at the end of the day, I have to take care of me. Just because I wear twirly dresses and ride my bike in high heels doesn't mean I'm helpless.

This label is not a reflection of me. It's a reflection of you - I'm not manic, pixie, a dream, or at this point, even a girl. Yet somehow, these tragic, shallow adjectives got attached to a category of women who dared to step outside the confines of acting "normal".

I'm gonna keep doing me, whatever you want to call it.

The negatives of the trope do not diminish the positives of my personality. Am I doing myself a disservice by accepting the stereotype? (I did the same thing with 'hipster', by the way.) I'm gonna go with no.

I can't change the way you act or perceive me. I can only directly affect how I act and how I perceive others. And you know what? I choose positivity, and petticoats, and painted toes, and looking for the best in people.

Stop pooping on my parade - leave us quirky women alone, to our cats, bicycles, and pie baking. Or swoop us off our feet and fall in love with our unique natures and sparkly souls - and our bad sides, too. But seriously, stop the shame, and adjust your viewpoint.

Maybe we need a new label - I'm certainly open to suggestions. I'll still be here, doing my thing, whether you're paying attention or not.

You're a hipster. I'm a hipster. Let's be geeks instead.

Maybe it was all the chatter about Grammer's closing this week, but I feel suddenly deluged by the term "hipster." Don't know where it came from or how it became such a popular, deragatory term, but I'm tired of it. Don't believe the hype. We've all got a little hipster inside us (even Disney!)... at least I know I do. I don't know when it suddenly became popular to hate and label "hipsters", or why the subject draws so much contempt.

I've embraced my hipster-ness, for the most part. I listen to obscure bands, I live in a tiny apartment downtown and ride my bike everywhere, I love design and have a unique style... yeah. I'm pretty freakin' hipster, and okay with it.

 

okay, okay, not my usual hairstyle... but look at that freakin' hipster!(from 2007)

However, there is something divisive about being a true hipster, and it's something that often grinds my gears. I think the thing that people really, truly hate about this stereotype is the arrogant attitude, the presumptiousness and sense of indifference and irony that seems to go along with the label.

I'm cooler than you because my interests are SO obscure, SO unique. It's nothing more than another way to separate and divide, to stand out, and to be kind of an asshole about it.

However, at my core, I like to think of myself as more of a geek than a hipster. The biggest difference?

Geeks get excited.

Isn't that where the term "geeking out" came from? I love learning more about the world around me and sharing it with everyone I know. My Google Reader and sites like Fast Company and BoingBoing keep me up to date on everything from the hottest new tech concepts to the next hilarious viral video sweeping across the internet.

My enthusiasm travels off-line as well. If there is a chance for me to capture the joy of a small detail or moment as I'm going through life, I'm going to take notice and share it with the world, or at least my immediate circle of friends.

So, here's my proposal. This is 2011. The reign of the hipster is over. Let's get over ourselves, our obscure bands, our "cooler-than-thou" attitudes, and embrace our inner geeks. Let's get super excited about the little things, and open up to the people around us, instead of limiting and staying in our silly cliques of ironic hipness. Let's evolve...

Be an early adopter... you can say you did it before it went mainstream. 

Diary of a DAAP Kid: "So, What are You Doing After Graduation?"

(picture source)

That is the number 1 question I get when talking to friends, family and acquaintances anymore. It's a valid question and good conversation starter. Right now my answer is a cheery smile, a small laugh and... "well, I've gotta graduate first!" I may be laughing it off, but as the time ticks ever closer - and my bank account drops lower and lower - finding a job after graduation is on my mind.

Please indulge me in a small rant. As we are all well aware, the job market sucks right now. It has for the last two years. When I started college, recent graduates were turning DOWN job offers. As of now, only 2 of the 40 people in my class currently have full time jobs post graduation. That is 1/20th of my class - the soon to be graduates of one the one of the best programs in the country.

DesignIntelligence consistently ranks UC's program high because of the co-op program, which gives students paid professional experience working in the field, and helps to build resumes and occasionally turns into full time positions down the road.  We're all graduating with 18 months of paid professional experience under our belts. In five years, I've worked at three well known and well respected architecture firms in the Cincinnati area. I've done free lance consulting and design work. I started the student chapter of IIDA at UC. I'm a writer. I volunteer. On top of all that, I've got the knowledge and skill set using cutting edge technology for my trade, and I'm good at it. I'm creative and passionate, and I am itching to use my experience and talents at a place that will help me to grow, where I can do amazing things.

Under normal circumstances, these qualifications would surely get my foot in the door somewhere. The one thing my classmates and I don't have right now is multiple years of experience. And unfortunately, with so many professionals in the architecture world being laid off, experience is the key that is opening doors. Nearly all the open positions I've researched are asking for registered designers with 5-8 years of experience or more. Employers know these people are out there, and they can afford to be picky.

This puts my class in a quandary. We can't get a job without experience, but we can't get experience without a job. It's a frustrating circle. These people who have been laid off, at least they have unemployment to fall back on. I am graduating with nothing but the promise of student loans coming due. Not only that, but there are professionals being laid off who don't want gaps in their resume, so they are applying for (and getting) unpaid internships. This sets a terrible example for firms, who then get the impression they can "hire" workers, have them do the same amount of work as a full time employee, and reap the benefits for free.

Everyone says that Gen Y suffers from a sense of entitlement, that we feel we don't have to work for what we're given, and that we don't know how to handle rejection. From March 2009 to September 2009, I applied to nearly 70 firms in the hopes of landing a co-op job for the summer and fall in locations all over the country. I got two interviews and one job.

My fall co-op experience was me doing part free-lance graphic design work and interior consulting, part contract work for a construction firm, and part designing for / managing a condo project in downtown Cincinnati. All of these opportunities I obtained through my personal network, not through the school's co-op program. Rejection and I are on a first name basis, and I'm prepared to face even more of it as I continue my search. This isn't a bad thing, and has made me more resilient and forced me to look way outside the box in terms of gaining experience and making money.

My graduating class has worked unbelievably hard to get where we are right now, and it's going to pay off eventually. I'm confident we're going to do amazing things, and just have to get through this rough time.

So, what AM I doing after graduation? The lease on my house isn't up til September, so hopefully I can get it figured out by then! I will be applying for a part time job in the area and continuing to free lance during the summer while I apply to jobs and continue making connections with potential employers. Every day and every person I meet and connect with is another new opportunity. So, if you hear of anything... please, send it my way!